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You are here: > Directory > Humor > April Fools, 2008


Made you look!  These stories are just for tease.  (I know, some of our titles on a daily basis give you that double take effect.)

 (Each April 1 is "April Fools' Day" in U.S.)

Zero Point Energy Inventor Self-Destructs

Oregon Vortex resident, Tniop Orez, nearly solved the riddle of harnessing zero point energy when on midnight of Friday 13, he successfully divided by zero, only to realize he did not have a control mechanism in place.

by Sterling D. Allan
Pure Energy Systems News

Vortex, Oregon USA (April 1, 2008) -- Oregonian resident, Tniop Orez, seems to have inexplicably disappeared while conducting research in his home around midnight of Friday, April 13, 2007.

Due to some kind of time warping that seems to have happened at the same time, we are just now finding out about this occurrence -- nearly a year later.

Investigators are now looking into the disappearance.

"Maybe harnessing zero point energy isn't so good an idea after all," said his partner, Ybgni Dnats, who was in another room making coffee at the time.  "All the sudden I heard this sound that resembled a dinosaur hitting a huge Tesla bug zapper.  I ran back in the room, and he was gone out that vortexian hole in the wall."

Dnats suspect that Orez may have inadvertently discovered a way to access a worm hole, and may now be stuck in a parallel universe -- hopefully one that doesn't have too many worms.

When Dnats developed one of the photos he took of the site, he was surprised to see a line of text appear on the photo: "I divided by zero."  Dnats swears that he did not put that text there.  "It must be one of the worms," he surmised.  "Either that, or Ybgni somehow put that there by accessing a portal in another dimension."

Local authorities have said, "There's not a lot we can do in situations like this.  How are we supposed to pursue someone who is obviously using technology far ahead of what we have in our department?  I'm still learning how to use the new 8-track player that we bought off eBay."

The case has been referred to another agency that cannot be named because, as far as the public is concerned, it does not exist.  "We see this kind of stuff all the time in our lab," said one of the officers, who was not there.

Redneck Mansion Complete With Wind Turbine and Solarium

Luxury mansion comes with wind turbine (left) and solarium (right, bottom).  Notice that the wind-turbine trailer is the one with the "green" stripe on it.  Notice also the gray water recycling swimming pool (lower left).  Notice, also, the invisible trailer at the top of the ladder leaning against the green trailer.  The elevator shaft running from the highest trailer to the bottom shipping crate is for emergencies only.  Otherwise, the more economical stairs are used.  The open doors are the economical substitute for air conditioning.  The floor plans are an open source design, website pending, using off-the-shelf (very large shelves) trailers.  Brings new meaning to Mader's statement: "Happy as a tornado in a trailer park."  At least these guys will be generating a little electricity during the storm, to power their storm tracking equipment; and they can hide in the shipping crate if necessary -- or they can high-tail it to the invisible compartment, to remain unseen by the approaching tornado.

Energy-Efficient Tractor

Cutting down on the friction that typically comes from four tires.
Counterbalance required.

Asian Child Becomes Hydro Plant

Energy savant child, Kazuo Hydrohuko, has discovered how to harness the power of municipal water fountains.  The method doubles as an effective enema.

Redneck Biogas

Don't try this at home.

DIY Automobile Kit Announced

IKEA is thinking about selling cars... but only to advanced IKEA customers...
Some assembly required.

Eye-Powered Turbine Generates Migraines

This picture is not animated.  Your eyes are making it move. To test this, stare at one spot for a couple seconds and everything will stop moving. Or look at the black center of each circle and it will stop moving. But move your eyes to the next black center and the previous will move after you take your eyes away from it.

Researchers are trying to figure a way to harness this rotational energy to power such things as the imagination.  So far, they have made great progress, but they are still working out the bugs on how to get the turbines to stop.

News Ooops

On Saturday I inadvertently included this as a serious item, thinking it was an eBay-like topical listing for solar.  I didn't look close enough to see that they were actually saying you could trade electricity over communication lines.

  • Solar > Solars Bay - SolarsBay allows people from all over the world to trade solar energy and is a Peer-To-Peer (P2P) solar energy trading platform. The idea behind SolarsBay is that future technology will allow a direct global transportation of solar energy through communication lines. (Thanks Yossi BH)

See also

Page posted by Sterling D. Allan, April 1, 2008
Last updated December 04, 2011



Making Algae Biodiesel


ADVISORY: With any technology, you take a high risk to invest significant time or money unless (1) independent testing has thoroughly corroborated the technology, (2) the group involved has intellectual rights to the technology, and (3) the group has the ability to make a success of the endeavor.
All truth passes through three stages:
   First, it is ridiculed;
   Second, it is violently opposed; and
   Third, it is accepted as self-evident.

-- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)

    "When you're one step ahead
of the crowd you're a genius.
When you're two steps ahead,
you're a crackpot."

-- Rabbi Shlomo Riskin, (Feb. 1998)

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